Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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