i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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