I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize