I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
