It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize