Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
