He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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