Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I will die if light touches me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
