So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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