FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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