Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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