just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
