420 ftw
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
