if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
