I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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