Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
