she looked like the before picture.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize