i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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