did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Randomize
