The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
