What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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