I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
