you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
