do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have aggressive nipples.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
