Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wish I only lived at night.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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