what day is it and did you see me today?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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