I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
