I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
