I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
