when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
