I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
