I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
