im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
