She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
