I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
