I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
