next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just pee around me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
