So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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