Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The air was thick with penises
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
