She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
