He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize