I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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