Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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