Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
