I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
