He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize