this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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