yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
