Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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