How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
