I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
