I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
