Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
third nipple confirmed
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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