We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
