I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
