Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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