Where is the hickey?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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