My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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