it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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