i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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