Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
