Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize