Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
