Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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