We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
