I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
