It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
