I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
