after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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