Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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