Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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