your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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