Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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