guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
