GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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