When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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